The Liberal Lexicon: “I” Words and Phrases

The Fine Art of Liberal to English Translation

Contrary to popular belief, Liberals do speak a form of English. Their dialect, though strange, is quite similar to American English. In fact, the vocabulary, grammar, syntax, and even the accents are identical. So what accounts for all the heartache and confusion that plagues Libero-American relations? The answer is semantics, the linguistic field of word meanings. The concepts identified by the same words are often quite different between Liberal and American English. As a token of my desire to bridge this gap I humbly submit these translations.

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The Definitions

1. Indoctrination—Sunday School.
2. Interest—Theft, when collected by a private lending firm. Investment (see below), when collected by a government entity.
3. Intern—a mobile humidor.
4. Internal Revenue Service—the only law enforcement agency not staffed entirely by fascist criminals.
5. Intolerance—insisting on standing by your original position even though a liberal has whined about how it makes him feel.
6. Investment— confiscatory taxation.
7. Irrelevant—describes information or evidence that proves a liberal’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
8. Islam—The only truly peaceful religion, thus the only one allowed and expected to use swift and blinding violence to prove it.
9. Ivins, Molly— hideous woman who never quite got over George Bush standing her up at the prom.

Left-Wing Wasteland

Because it’s time for another song parody. I would actually record these but the only musicians I’m friends with are Left-wingers.

sung to the tune of Baba O’Reilly

Left-Wing Wasteland

Out here on the streets
After Left-wing conceits
We push our cars to keep them moving
But we’ve got no rights
Humanity’s a blight
If we’re gone, the Earth’s improving

Don’t whine
Don’t waste your time
Finally, Left-wing wasteland

Daughter, take my hand
Let’s run while we can
Don’t look behind
It’s just Atlas Shrugging
Now the Ummah is here
Children tremble in fear
The Chosen Ones are raging
Our girls’ hopes are ending

Left-wing wasteland
It’s just a Left-wing wasteland
A Left-wing wasteland

Open Letter to September 12th People

There can only be peace when they will start to love their children more than they hate us.

Golda Meir

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one!

Charles Mackay

I had an unusual and revealing conversation with a friend back during the days of my horribly misspent youth. It was at the beginning of some momentous Republican shaking and moving, probably the election or Reagan in 1980 or the Gingrich Revolution in 1994, I forget which. During this conversation my friend and his spouse were complaining of the hostile rhetoric that was coming from the Conservative Republican side and the lack of a willingness to compromise. In short, the Right was kicking ass and taking names as we used to say in the military. I asked them if they had heard anything they had thought reasonable and they responded by singing the praises of George Will and William F. Buckley.

Now as fine as those two gentleman are, and I’ve read hundreds of their columns, these are a couple of guys who were “Born to be Mild”. Will and Bill are to politics what your grandfather was to your lifestyle in the 1970s. You remember him? The guy that calmly and rationally explained to you why you shouldn’t drink, smoke, carouse, and be promiscuous? Afterwards you smiled, hugged the man, chuckled at his naive innocence and went out partying. Until your non-rational, non-calm father caught you and royally kicked your ass.

So, naturally I explained to my friends that, though we would prefer civil discourse, we were tired of being a perpetual minority party and had realized that we had to get down in the mud and fight for our beliefs kicking and gouging as necessary. In short, we had to act like Democrats to do battle with Democrats. My friend gave me a horrified look and said, I kid you not, “No! Don’t stoop to our level!”

So, to all of you September 12th people, nice is for peacetime and this is not peacetime. I’ve heard the United States compared to a lifeboat that takes in as many survivors as it can. Well, as as anyone who didn’t go to an urban public school can tell you, if you overload the lifeboat it will capsize, so after a point you have to turn people away no matter how much it breaks your heart. Similarly, if you come to find that someone has an icepick and is poking holes in the lifeboat, you throw his ass overboard, and don’t get heartbroken about it. Now, the problem with liberals and/or Democrats, as you well know, is that they’re all about the guy with the icepick.

I know that these are our fellow citizens, for better or for worse, and that you would rather come to some sort of accommodation with them. Who wouldn’t? Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. Of course one should still be civil where possible, but if civility means compromised national security, then civility is a luxury we can’t afford.

Most people have had any number of epiphanies in their lifetimes. Occasionally, some of these are virtual fist-in-the-face experiences where your realize something earthshaking or life changing, something that you just can’t believe you didn’t see before. It can be any number of things: your girlfriend has been exploiting you, that troublesome spouse never had any intention of changing, your parents have been manipulating you with intentionally bad advice, or maybe just that you were in the wrong career for the wrong reasons. Someone may have warned you along the way, or maybe you even “knew” it, but with a little “k”, on an intellectual, but superficial level. I’m talking about the experience when you finally KNOW it to the very marrow in your bones.

My most recent experience with that last phenomenon had to be with one of Rush Limbaugh’s favorite phrases. That being, “These people have to be defeated.” The people in question being the Left in general and, in our context here, September 10th people in particular. I’ve heard him say it for years now and I’ve always known he was right, but I knew with a little “k”. I figured if I stayed informed, voted for the best candidates, and had the courage to confront people spreading lies, then I was doing my part. In the years after the horrifying events of that day I’ve suffered from quite a bit of cognitive dissonance from watching the Left take undeniable facts that support no-brainer conclusions and arrive at insanely wrong answers. I just couldn’t understand it. That was, of course, precisely the point.

The rhetoric of the Left isn’t meant to be understood. It only has to confuse long enough for them to accomplish their goals. Logic and reason aren’t goals to be sought and upheld. They are barriers to fulfilling their whims and fortunately, for them, can be circumvented. We have a weakness, we logic, reason, and rationality types. We think that deep down in everybody there is a logic, reason, and rationality person just dying to get out. Unfortunately, the modern Leftist is a creature of pure emotion who genuinely considers a poor sap like you to be handicapped with “rigid linear thinking”, or as you and I call it, sanity. So what’s the epiphany? What is it that you need to KNOW?

You need to know that almost all of these people are beyond reach. You need to know that minds are like concrete, once they’ve set it is almost impossible to reshape them in any fundamental way. Furthermore, the longer it has been since the mind has set the more unyielding it becomes because you’re not just fighting an incorrect idea, you’re fighting an emotional creature that is totally invested in that idea. When people even begin to suspect that the thing they’ve dedicated 30, 40, or 50 years of their lives to is a total sham, the mind slams shut. This is a defense mechanism like the ones you see where the 70-year old scientist who was barking up the wrong tree on his research dedicates all his remaining years to denouncing the 30-year old scientist who saw the mistake. So it is with the Left. Do you really expect someone on the Left to stand up and admit, “Wow! We spent trillions and trillions of taxpayer dollars on antipoverty programs and increased poverty. Man, is there ever egg on our face!”?

So, if you want to live in a world where terrorism and rape rooms are the fault of terrorists and rapists instead of Western Civilization, KNOW this, Liberal Democrats are like zombies, you can’t do anything for them, but you can keep them from eating the brains of other innocent people. To that end I’m planning on going on an indefinite hiatus from just bitching and try to find someplace to actually”do” for the cause. I suggest you do the same thing.

Necromongers

I don’t know how many of you folks out there are science fiction or fantasy fans. If you’re not, I think it’s your loss. Despite what your bitchy old maid English teacher told you in Jr. High School, it’s just as legitimate a literature as any other and asks the big questions about the “human condition” just as well as any other, sometimes better. After all, what’s more important than the future and the genre provides an excellent opportunity for “if this goes on” kinds of stories.

Naturally, the message people draw from these stories depend a lot on what they bring to the story with them. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy is a classic example. It is excellently written with a depth and attention to detail one seldom sees. Virtually everyone who reads the books insists on seeing them as allegorical, i.e. one extended metaphor from cover to cover. I’ve met people who see an object lesson on abandoning traditional values, others who see the Second World War acted out in a commentary on fascism, still other see an environmental angle with the Ents. Lots of us have met hippy folk in the 60s and 70s quite convinced the stories foretold the peace, love, and dope generation. So much so that they insist the Hobbit’s pipeweed is marijuana. The point being that despite the author’s intention a reader may take a totally different message home than the author intended. And no, that admission doesn’t legitimize that stupid deconstructionist crap.

So it is with the movie Chronicles of Riddick starring Vin Diesel, a sorta, kinda sequel to Pitch Black. I enjoyed the movie greatly. I thought it was great story, although many might find it too dark in tone. This wasn’t a problem for me since I like my entertainment a little on the dark side. I’m one of those people that find people who are always chipper and happy intolerable. Morning people are particularly irritating. If you see me chipper and happy go-lucky, it’s probably raining. But I digress.

I’m not going to go all through the movie, so for the 3 or 4 of you who haven’t seen it, grab the DVD. I’m going to concern myself with the heavies in the movie, the Necromongers. I found these blood-thirsty closed-minded homicide machines to be a perfect metaphor for our present day Muslims. Ironically, one of the first people they waste in the film is a Muslim Imam. I know, I know. Muslims in the future? It doesn’t compute, but no movie is perfect.

The Necromonger’s religious beliefs are beyond bizarre, they are demonstrably insane. In order to achieve their paradise, the UnderVerse, they are dedicated to setting things right. Unfortunately for everybody that isn’t one of them, the Necromongers consider life itself to be a cosmic mistake, a tragic accident, a cosmic infestation if you will. They are literally a death cult. They practice what they preach by sterilizing themselves when they become Necromongers to prevent themselves from adding to the problem. Consequently, they increase only by conversion, which is easier than it sounds since the only other choice is to be murdered. Sound familiar? This is their only function. They travel from place to place, planet to planet, and destroy everything the find. Those that will convert are converted into killing machines themselves. Everyone that won’t is killed. Then the process is repeated somewhere else. They are relentless and are too far gone to be reasoned with. They know that their cause is righteous and the only way; they will brook no disagreement. That should also sound familiar.

Open Letter to September 10th People

Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one; for when we suffer, or are exposed to the same miseries by a government, which we might expect in a country without a government, our calamity is heightened by reflecting that we furnish the means by which we suffer.

Thomas Paine, “Common Sense”

Now that the Left, now virtually synonymous with the Democratic Party, has finally regained control of Congress, I find it amusing that they have suddenly discovered bipartisanship, civil discourse, and rational debate. The situation reminds me of my childhood when certain relatives and neighborhood hangers-on were such sticklers for rules and good sportsmanship–when they were “it”, or had the ball. Otherwise, it was a Darwinian dog-eat-dog world. Naturally, being Leftists, you think everyone but yourselves are too stupid to know whats going on. That being, of course, that now that you’re back on top you’ll be wanting to resume pretending to accept our values so that you can use them against us.

I will say only two things about your victory in the off-year elections. One, congratulations. Two, don’t make the mistake of wallowing in hubris and believing that the electorate mandated your philosophies or agendas. Our people got brutally spanked for the sin of “going native”. In other words, they started acting like you. I give you this advice only because I know you’ll never take it.

As you’ve probably noticed, you aren’t getting many takers. That’s because we have long since realized that being civil and trying to engage the Left in rational debate is the intellectual and political equivalent of bringing a dull rusty butter knife to a gunfight. Yes, grim necessity requires that we sink to your level. Sad, but necessary.

Obviously, I don’t speak for every Vast Right Wing Conspirator, but I do speak for quite a few, and we are sick of pretending that you guys aren’t idiots. Or insane, Or insane idiots. Insanity has been occasionally defined as doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different outcome. This behavior is very nearly the Democratic Party’s perennial platform. No matter how many times your ideas fail, you are always ready to slap a fresh coat of paint on the same old disasters, give it a new name, and proclaim it to be some kind of innovation. You never seem to suspect that the only ones you’re fooling are yourselves. You remind us of the old joke about the dim-witted person who constantly beats his head against a brick wall because it feels so good when he stops.

The Gospel According to Heinlein

There is a story that circulates about an incident while the original Star Trek series was in production. In that story a certain Muslim man observes that the in the futuristic Star Trek universe just about every kind of human and even non-human is represented, except Muslims, and takes offense. When he gets an opportunity to challenge this shortcoming with someone involved in the production of the series he asks why there are no Muslims in the show. The answer? “Because it’s about the future.”

I’ve been trying to track the source of this down for ages because even if it isn’t true, it ought to be. (If you know, drop me a line.)I’ve always been very future-minded and as such a voracious consumer of science fiction (as well as fantasy), which some insist on euphemistically calling speculative fiction. An occupational hazard of being a SF fan is that people are constantly coming up to you excited to the point of incontinence about the latest new thing you had forgotten about years ago. It’s a longer term version of what happens to those of us who get our news on the Internet. You know what I’m talking about, you walked by the newspaper machine on Monday morning, look at the headline, and said, “They’re still talking about that?”

One of the most telling moments in my life was back when the Republican’s Contract with America was big news. Back then Newt Gingrich and that other guy (?) were the masterminds behind it. I’m listening to the news and I hear that they were inspired by a book. I’m cool with that. I’ve been inspired by many books. But, when asked which book it was they come back with an answer that causes the coffee I had been sipping to come shooting out of my nose like a couple of horizontal geysers. It was “The Third Wave” by Alvin Toffler. Folks, I can count on my fingers the number of books that I’ve started and never finished, “The Third Wave” is one of them. It was that lame. As an old SF fan reading that book I could only think something like, “They’re still talking about that?” That was when the book was new, when the Contract people were talking about it, it was 14 years old. Yikes.

So, to me, it comes as no surprise really that just about everything that pops up in the news, Robert Heinlein has written a story about it, or a story similar to it. I don’t recall any stories he wrote about friction with the Islamic world, he may have, but he did write at length about conflict with the communist world. However, since by adding Allah to communism you pretty much get Islam, the lessons can be applied.

First lesson: It’s time for the present members of the “Nuclear Club” to consider the fact that it may be time to stop disassembling nuclear weapons and start reassembling them. If the Islamic world goes nuclear, we won’t be able to depend on Mutually Assured Destruction to stop them. It only worked against the communists because, whatever their faults, they weren’t suicidal. Folks like Lenin and Stalin wanted to live in the world after they conquered it.

Second Lesson: In his writings, Heinlein pointed out that in a conflict against the Asian “hordes” there would be no way that American mothers could produce enough boy babies fast enough to save us. In effect, we needed an equalizer. Now, if we look at the population of the Muslim world in comparison to our own you can still see the “Saracen hordes” that so terrified our ancestors. Now, imagine those superior numbers with the proverbial big stick and crazy enough to use them.

Third Lesson: Even if we weren’t conquered or blackmailed into some kind dhimmitude, we still would have to change our way of life. Whatever our current leadership’s good qualities, the position that “if we change our way of life, then the terrorists win” just won’t cut it. In an age of suitcase nukes we would have to expend considerable energy just to keep from being a good target. In one of Heinlein’s stories, if memory serves me, there was a scenario where the entire nation was being de-urbanized for just that purpose. The cities were being emptied and spread out evenly across the land so that no one place would be better than another for killing people and destroying infrastructure.

Fourth Lesson: We’ve all seen the 20/20 hindsight historian weeping, moaning, and wringing their hands in grief over how blind our ancestors were. How could they have not foreseen the horrific carnage of the Second World War? Didn’t Hitler give us fair warning in his book Mein Kampf? Couldn’t anybody have taken the time to translate his speeches and the abundant Nazi literature into English and spread the word? Weren’t his minions screaming their bloody intentions into every microphone they could find? Why yes, they were, and you’re going to feel really silly trying to explain to your wife’s daughter by the local imam why you weren’t able to apply the lessons of history to blood-smeared fanatics standing in front of burning buildings and cars and holding signs in English that read something like, “Islam will destroy you all”, or “Submit to Allah or die, Infidel!”

Are The Muslims 10 Feet Tall?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among some of my fellow citizens. It reminds me a great deal of the way some people viewed the Soviets back before their collapse. To judge by what was in the popular media back then we were doomed. Our only real option was to put off the inevitable as long as possible. The inevitable outcome of being swallowed up by the vastly more moral, if not superior Communist/Socialist juggernaut.

Back during the 1980s I came across a rather refreshing article titled something like “Are The Russians Ten Feet Tall?”. The article argued that far from being the invincible supermen that Americans feared (or in some cases adored). The Soviets were in serious trouble. Sadly, I don’t remember many particulars of the story. Mostly I just remember feeling relief at some sign that I might not wind up working on a collective farm somewhere after all.

Now I hear from time to time the same sort of thing being said about the Muslims: They can’t be contained or defeated. There are too many of them. They are too fanatical. They are more dedicated and so forth. While we Westerners are too fat, lazy, stupid, ignorant, agnostic, ambivalent, etc. to preserve ourselves. I’ve even heard a co-worker once state that we deserved to be conquered and oppressed as punishment for what we have “done” to the rest of the world. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure that the statute of limitations has run out on colonialism, Indian wars, slavery, etc.

Like most of you I’m sure, I’ve been continually researching Islam and the Muslim world and I find a lot of chinks in their armor that could be exploited, if only we lived in a society that exploits its advantages. One of these is Muslim (or at least Arab) disdain for physical labor. It’s my understanding that starting at the bottom and working your way up is an unfathomable concept to most. I’ve read that its not uncommon for an otherwise able-bodied man to sit around unemployed for 10 years, smoking and quaffing coffee at the local coffee shop while waiting for “suitable” employment (e.g. management).

Another I’ve heard and read about is their penchant for physical cowardice. Naturally, some will raise the specter of suicide attacks as proof that they are very brave indeed. I believe that is false on a numbers of counts: first, although there are obviously far too many people willing to be suicide bombers, the numbers pales in comparison to the number of Muslims available take the job (plus I consider suicide bombing to be evolution in progress); second, we must bear in mind that the numb nut actually believes he is on his way to have exclusive sexual access with 72 women for all eternity, I suspect that instead of brave he may simply be horny; third, if you’ll recall the first Gulf War, you’ll remember the droves of enemy soldiers scratching and clawing at each other in order to be first to surrender, sometimes to unmanned reconnaissance drones. The Gulf War presented an opportunity for every supply clerk and mess cook to be a Sergeant York.

There is another area that could be exploited, though I’m sure it will be denounced as cynical and mercenary. That is playing on the fault lines that run through the Muslim world. Sunnis and Shiites despise each other almost as much as they hate us. It seems like the only thing they can agree on is Kurdish genocide. The Wahabbis are nuttier than squirrel excrement and the world tends to forget that the Iranians are not Arabs, but rather Persians and have long considered the Arabs to be little more than hairless monkeys. We could play on that. I know it probably makes me a “bad” person, but I’m not so sure that civil war in Iraq is such a bad thing. Muslims killing Muslims is the epitome of the win-win situation.

A Gold Watch for Hitler

I think it has been pretty firmly established that Hitler was a pretty rotten guy. After all, we’ve been badmouthing him since the 1930s, the 1920s for some of our older folks. As a matter of a fact, he’s been dead for 60 years and we just can’t shut up talking about him, even though his government has been defunct and unable to implement policy for all that time.

I once read some sage who stated that a problem of modern society is that old Adolf was evil made flesh and that with his death Hitlerian evil was effectively banished from the Earth. That’s not true. Adolf wasn’t the first “Hitler” and he wasn’t the last. Compared to gems like Pol Pot, Hitler’s percentage of his own population wiped out makes him look like a piker.

I, for one, am getting sick of Hitler references when there is so much fresh evil in the world. How refreshing would it be if the next time someone who couldn’t refute one of your arguments called you a “damn mullah” instead of a “damn Nazi”. I’ve even heard on some Internet forums they have a Hitler Rule that says whenever someone compares someone else to Hitler or calls him a Nazi, the discussion thread is considered officially dead.

So, I say we give Adolf and his Scary Men a metaphorical gold watch and move on to current and fresher hells. A wonderfully descriptive term has been coined for our most worrisome enemies: Islamofascists. Never has a new term captured its target concept so well. Naturally, the Left (big fans of the Hitler/Nazi analogy) objects to the term. I think it’s illustrative to review what Fascism is. My dictionary defines it as:

A political philosophy, movement, or regime (as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.

If one substitutes the term religion for the phrase nation and often race, you will find a description that sounds creepily familiar. I have read of Islamic clerics who state explicitly that the American idea of separating church and state is incomprehensibly ludicrous, because (paraphrasing) “Church IS the State.” This is a political philosophy, movement, or regime that has been known to execute women for wearing make up.

Political Correctness be damned. It isn’t a sin to know who the Boogeyman is.

Paul Tibbetts: May God Give You Fair Winds and Following Seas

I was pondering what to post on today and not having much luck. Then I stumbled upon a site where a standard issue Lefty psychobitch pronounced Paul Tibbetts, the recently departed pilot of the Enola Gay, a coward who died a coward. I would give you the link but I don’t want to send the skank any traffic.

If you don’t know, and if you don’t you just indicted the American education system, the Enola Gay was the name of the bomber that dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Tibbetts never expressed remorse at what had been done. He famously said that he had never lost a minute’s sleep over the mission. The Left in general and peaceniks in particular hounded the man his whole life, positive that it would only be a matter of time before he relented and begged someone, presumably the Japanese, for forgiveness. He never did and he shouldn’t have.

Why shouldn’t he? It’s simple. The Japanese of 1945 had it coming. It doesn’t matter how nice the Japanese of 1890 were, nor does it matter what good allies the Japanese of 2007 are. The Japanese of 1945 had it coming, big time. As a nation, we deserve world accolades for being forgiving enough to stop at two. To paraphrase the common man of the era: There was a war on buddy.

The mental midget who denounced Tibbetts is representative of the kind of attitude that will results in untold thousands of unnecessary deaths in our current war. I’m talking about the deaths of us, and our allies, of course. The deaths of the enemy don’t matter. Why? Because the bastards have it coming. Real Americans have no obligation to die for the fantasy world ethics of the Left.

General Tibbetts, I know that you were an Army Air Corps and Air Force veteran, but as a former Navy man, I wish you fair winds and following seas as you pass into the beyond.

Getting in Touch with Your Inner Barbarian

People attempting to sound wise frequently say to take all things in moderation. That’s not quite true. I don’t think axe-murdering or gang-raping are made any more acceptable by pacing yourself. I think it might be better to say don’t take good things to excess, but that has problems of its own. Telling your wife that you’ve been moderately faithful to her will like make you extremely celibate. Such are the perils of nuance.

The Pseudo-Intelligentsia of the Pseudo-Enlightenment of the last several decades have been telling us that there are no absolutes, that all morality (and history for that matter) are relative, and subsequently depend on their context. That is, right and wrong are different things for different people. The absolutes that came crashing to the ground on 9-11-01 only made them more shrill in their moral equivalence. Sympathy for the Devil is the “civilized” mode of thinking.

The problem is, there have been all kinds of civilizations. From those that have gladiatorial games or run gulags to pacifist states that try to mind their own business. The American Republic has a distinctive culture, and it’s a good one too, however much that statement might make the Left wail in protest.

Our nation won’t be saved by nuance and half-measures. Certainly diplomacy should be given a chance, but not an endless series of chances such as we have seen in the past. That’s why we, as a nation and as individuals, should get back in touch with our inner barbarians. Those simple folks that live inside of us all and believe in saying what needs to be said, doing what needs to be done, and cracking a few heads if simpletons get in the way. After all:

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.–Barry M. Goldwater

Mahmoud’s To-Do List

I find it odd that all of the pseudo-enlightened people, especially those who were all to recently swept into power, keep reacting with a collective yawn about Iran’s rush toward nuclear weapons. Obviously, the threat and promise to destroy Israel in a campaign of nuclear genocide leaves all true-believing Leftists unmoved. This all begs the question, have they given any consideration to whois #2 on Mahmoud’s “To Do” list?