Memorandum
From: Memo Writer
Topic: Eliminating Crime with Amnesty Programs
Abstract: The Illegal Immigration advocate have finally convinced management of the wisdom of blanket amnesties. We must admit that we can’t understand why we never saw the wisdom of getting rid of 12 to 20 million law breakers, just by waving a magic wand and saying, “abracadabra, you’re legal,” and giving the former lawbreakers a spiffy new name. After due reflection management thinks we can apply this principle to all crime and eliminate it everywhere, forever. To this end, management submits the following suggestion:
Item 1:
Old Name: Murderer
New Name: Afterlife Facilitator
Item 2:
Old Name: Rapist
New Name: Rough Sex Specialist
Item 3:
Old Name: Pedophile
New Name: Nomadic Sex Instructor
Item 4:
Old Name: Carjacker
New Name:Vehicle Performance Spotchecker
Item5:
Old Name: Drug Dealer
New Name: Freelance Pharmacist
Item 6:
Old Name: Tax Evader
New Name: Tax Evader (There’s got to be limits!)
Item 7:
Old Name: Traitor
New Name: Multiple-loyalty Citizen
Item 8:
Old Name: Embezzler
New Name: Alternative Finance Technician
Item 9:
Old Name: Kidnapper
New Name: High-initiative Travel Agent
Item 10:
Old Name: Fugitive
New Name: Jurisdiction Connoisseur
