Zoologists and Political Scientists working jointly prove the existence of liberals in the beaver population.
The victim was reported to have been working under a jobs program administrated by the beaver government. When the government’s spokeman was asked about their culpability in the tragic accident, he just pointed at a muskrat across the river, then ran and hid in his burrow. We do not know if any further comments are expected.
Ten Reasons Democrats Still Hate Karl Rove
No one looks good with a soul patch, not even you.
Intelligence in one field doesn’t ipso facto imply intelligence in any other.
The greatest debt owed to the Founding Fathers is a non-hereditary chief executive.
If 90% of the descendants of illegal aliens voted for Republicans, not only would we already have a border wall, it would be 10,000 feet high.
Memorandum
From: Memo Writer
Topic: Obliviousness of Political Left
There is too much time being spent around the water cooler while speculating on the ability of the political left to come to conclusions that are 180 degrees out of sync with the facts. Management is deeply concerned by the loss of productive time and has researched the issue for you.
Item 1: The Liberal-Leftist side of the spectrum is deeply concerned about whether people get their feelings hurt of not.
Item2: The Conservative-Rightist side of the spectrum is concerned about whether people get killed or not.
No need to thank us. Now, get back to work.
I admit it. I just don’t get the mania over American Idol, Survivor, Next Top Model, or any other such show. I’ve watched a couple of episodes of most of them, usually not by choice. Mostly I’ve observed incredibly shallow people with delusions of adequacy transparently plotting against one another. I find them less exciting than watching paint dry.
When I first heard about Survivor I was intrigued. The idea of an endurance contest in exotic locations under extreme conditions was a good one I thought. Later, I found out that the winner would be determined, not by actually winning, but by having the other players vote each other out of the game. I did, and still do, find this to be one of the stupidest premises for a television show ever. A high school popularity contest is still a high school popularity contest even if it’s taking place in the tropics.
There is too much going on right now to justify the majority of the nation passing its time with this mindless crap. Naturally, a lot of these folks spend their rare non-TV time bitching about how the country is going to hell in a handbasket.
Furthermore, to call these accursed things “reality shows” is a crime of Orwellian proportions against the English language and the concept of reality. Who names these things? The Ministry of Clarity with the words “Specificity is Whatever” emblazoned on the walls? Perhaps the Playboy and Spice Channels can produce an entire series of chastity shows.
And while we’re at it, what’s with things like the Weather Channel and the Food Network? What’s next? The Scenery Channel? The Breathing Channel? The Paint Drying Channel?
Liberal politicians spare no effort when denouncing the proposed (now partially done—very partially) border wall, saying it was impractical and unnecessary. Ted Kennedy and others have suggested a “virtual” wall using high technology which would be cheaper, less inflammatory, and much more secure. I have decided to extend this principle by paying my taxes with virtual money and obeying federal law with virtual compliance. I won’t be doing these things in the physical world, but we’re way beyond the physical world anyway.
It’s my understanding that the Kennedy family is going to apply this principle in sexual matters. In the future, a woman passing out and slumping over in her seat will be considered “virtual” consent. At least they won’t have to whack her in the head with a golf club.
MSM Reporter: “What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?”
Marine sniper: “Recoil.”
I know that good male Muslims die and go on to an eternity of mindless bliss being serviced by 72 virgins who apparently have nothing better to do, as well as a few other pleasures desert-bound Bedouins dreamed up. My question is, what do “pious” Muslim women get out of the deal? Since it’s paradise I’m assuming they get to have 72 Muslim husbands whom they get to poison in their sleep over and over again. But that’s just a guess.
